I’ve decided to take a short break from blogging for a while because I’ve got so much work to do. That’s not to say I won’t check in once in a while. There just seems to be so much going on – I’m in the dissertation phase of my MA degree and feel that maintaining a blog can be distracting.
The dissertation is going well, my ideas are developing and I’m going the autobiographical methods route for breaking the silence around deaf women’s experiences. A great book I’ve been reading recently is called ‘Deaf Women’s Lives: Three Self Portraits’ by Bainy Cyrus, Eileen Katz and Celeste Cheyney, and Frances M. Parsons. It’s really worth a look – borrow it from your library! I’ve got a timetable sorted for the next three months, the deadline is in September. I’m sure I will blog a few times before then, but just don’t be surprised if things are quiet…
Also, I am just feeling quite drained about all the stuff going on in the blogosphere recently. I have always been far too idealistic and felt that the ‘why can’t we all get on’ thing still stands, but I know people just can’t put their differences aside. Everybody has said some really vitriolic things to each other over the last 1 and a half years, and if I want to be assured that feminism really can make a difference in the lives of women, I just don’t want to be involved in mud-slinging and stuff.
Regardless of who’s done what and when and how, it just isn’t healthy, for anyone. Because energy really is better spent elsewhere – in living our lives, in fighting to keep the abortion laws, in being loud and vocal about the injustices that women face. Denouncing sexism and misogyny in all their forms (whether you are anti porn or pro porn). I still really feel that pornography and prostitution, in the grand scheme of things, reinforce sexism and misogyny. But they are not the ONLY things that contribute to misogyny.
Rapists are responsible for rape, whether or not they use pornography or cite is as a contributing factor. The mass media, films, TV programs, all sorts of things in our society contribute to the social climate we live in – and porn is part of that climate. It does worry me when I see young girls (like 5, 6, 7 etc) dressing like an 18 year old – but it isn’t just peer pressure, porn and the like – it is also their parents for allowing them to wear fake bras, low cut tops etc.
My feeling is that there really needs to be a focus on the tangible aspects of problems – laying the blame at the door of rapists instead of saying ‘he did it because…’ or saying that women should stop wearing short skirts or low cut tops – because that does sound like victim blaming rather than respecting difference. My sister likes short skirts – does make her any less intelligent or interesting? No, it doesn’t. I wear low cut tops – that doesn’t mean I want men to leer at me in the street or make sexist comments. I just like wearing them (and it also doesn’t mean I am ‘participating’ in my own oppression).
Women should be allowed to wear what they want without fear. I am all for liberation, but I wish that we could all stand side by side and denounce gender restrictions, accept difference and learn from each other. It does take a lot of effort, but is anything worth it if it doesn’t involve some work? It really angers me when I see older feminists saying that younger feminists ‘don’t get it’ or aren’t radical enough. I’m also angry when younger feminists don’t recognise the work that older feminists have done, who think that there is a “new” feminism – it has been around for many years, long before they were born (long before I was born).
Doing an MA, I am working with both women my own age and older women, and there is respect. We learn from each other. So why can’t there be that respect here, on the internet? As a deaf woman and a feminist, I often feel isolated from hearing feminists because of access issues and lack of awareness. But I am willing to voice these concerns. I understand that people often don’t think about these things until there has been some dialogue about it. You don’t learn about difference from not coming into contact with difference.
So, I’m really sorry if I’ve put my foot in it, and I really care about everyone, I just needed to say what I was feeling. It’s very hard to be objective, because I read so many blogs and respect so many different people – many of them whose ideas are at odds with each other.
So I will probably commence blogging properly and at any length in the later months of the year – in the meantime, have a good summer to anyone who reads my blog!
Edit: I also feel that things really aren’t as clear cut as they seem on the internet. Okay, I categorise myself as a radical feminist and really feel pissed off when people make generalisations about what a radical feminist is, but feel that it should be developed further, as opposed to staying in the 1970s (as Michelle’s latest post says). I read some posts by certain people making generalisations about radical feminism or radical feminists (or, even, feminists in general) and it makes me think ‘no, that’s not right, it’s not like that at all’. Its all too easy to say crap about people when you don’t know them and haven’t met them. And this pretty much goes for everyone.
I can see the point that Ren Ev is trying to make about better sex education, safe sex, etc etc (most feminists would agree with this anyway), and I really really understand what she means when I feel restricted by some individuals saying certain things about the way women are “supposed” to act or dress or what they are supposed to like. But you know what? I don’t blame radical feminism for this feeling at all. I blame certain personal incarnations of it. And the way that Laura was treated really made me feel disillusioned about certain things, and made me realise that individuals calling themselves feminist are not necessarily so (and I don’t mean Laura). You know what I think?
I think that people spend so much time whinging about ‘radical feminism being the big bad’ that they don’t look at things from an individual to individual basis. Are they really surprised when it gets people’s back up when they say that radical feminists don’t like sex, or don’t enjoy sex with their MALE partners, or can’t accept that people have kinks they like in the bedroom, etc? Everyone is different. What bothers me is if a man forces, coerces or pushes a woman to do something she doesn’t want to do. Or if a man makes a woman feel guilty for wanting sex, for having a sexual appetite. Calls a woman a ’slut’ because she’s slept with however many men or wears something revealing.
And hell, if a woman doesn’t want sex at all, that should be accepted too – not thought of as being a ‘prude’ or “frigid” or whatever. One of the reasons I’m talking about sexuality NOW is because I’ve seen it written recently that radical feminists don’t talk about sex. Blogging is only one aspect of someone’s life – how do they know that person doesn’t talk about sexuality elsewhere – in an academic or social setting, or with their partner? And not to “denounce” sex either!
You know what really pisses me off? When people think that everyone in a particular group is the *same*. “Radical Feminists are…” or “Radical Feminists don’t agree with…”. I think it’s really immature and sounds like playground fighting. Its the easy way out. And it’s not the best constructive criticism to say that radical feminists “oppress” you. Its dawning on me that everyone says the same thing, in the same way, without any complex discussion. You may complain that you feel you’re being ‘preached’ to, but where are you getting this from? Not from ALL feminists, I am sure. Not even ALL radical feminists. Put all the radical feminists in the world in a room, and I am sure they will disagree about certain things!