I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about this, because I can’t bear the idea of giving this creep more publicity. Most people know by now, or might have heard, in passing, that some ‘famous hollywood director’ has been issued an extradition warrant because he raped a thirteen year old girl about 30 years ago. What has bothered me, most of all, is why now? Why didn’t they arrest him 30 years ago when they knew where he was when they’ve had his address all this time?

It’s at times like these that I feel really shit about our world because it allows rich and privileged men to get away with raping children. The media keep bringing up the allegations that the girl was already ’sexually experienced’. Well, that basically means that she had been raped before. At thirteen years of age, are you seriously telling me that you can call that sex? The man is a paedophile, and I feel very sorry for his wife and children. It makes you wonder if he’s done anything else since then or if he has raped any more children.

Most of all, it gives me a whole new reason to mock the twits that live in hollywood. All that fame must go their heads because they appear to be backing a paedophile. It’s laughable because it really makes them look stupid, at least to me. They know he’s raped a child. Would they want their thirteen year old children near somebody like that? It just shows up people for what they are – hypocritical and insular.

The point is not that he did it 30 years ago (therefore apparently it ‘doesn’t matter’, to some), the point is that he hasn’t served any time and they have not punished him for a crime he committed. It doesn’t matter that he’s a famous director type, because by letting him off because he has privilege smacks of corrupted leniency. If a serial rapist had cured cancer, would they let him off? I don’t think so (bloody hell, I should hope not).

It really highlights how rape is seen by the media and hollywood – not a big deal, something that doesn’t matter. It does matter, it’s one of the biggest problems we have because it is used in war, it is used as control, it is excused and the conviction rate is low (in the UK, anyway). The attitude towards rape hasn’t changed all that much - it is still ‘all the woman’s fault’ or ’she was asking for it’. Well that’s shit, and people know it. They like to hide behind excuses and blame the survivor for it.

It’s been a long time since I posted here. In some ways, a lot of the resentment I felt about online feminism has abated somewhat, and I no longer feel the need to engage in petty ‘blog wars’ or ‘arguments’ over who is right or wrong about stuff. Sure, it’s great having an online community, where we largely share similar views and can discuss things and figure out how things work. Mostly though, it was difficult, especially in the last two years.

When you become more receptive to other viewpoints, to other ways of thinking and living, things change. I’m still pretty uncompromising about my feminism – anti sexual violence, anti sexism, anti misogyny. I’m still angered about instances of subtle and not so subtle anti woman culture and opinion in our society. I’m maybe just more focused on other things – deaf identity and politics, being a writer, learning things. I’ve come to believe that feminism isn’t saying – it’s doing. It’s going out into the world and changing people’s attitude towards things. Maybe in the smallest way, just by living your life with a feminist attitude.

Another part of this whole thing was that I didn’t feel like going on marches, protests, etc, are really an effective way of doing feminism. More needs to happen – young women and girls need to know what feminism is all about, what it means, what it can do for them and what feminists have achieved so that they can have an education, vote, get contraception, have options and choices.

In some ways, I feel as though our society, world over, is becoming more and more stifling – celebrity culture, objectification, less visibility of women who have achieved interesting and amazing things (writers, artists, doctors, sportswomen, etc etc).

I feel freer with feminism, not less free, because what I feel is feminism is the right to be a person. It isn’t just about sisterhood. It is the right to live our lives without the fear of oppression, without fear of violence, without fear of stereotyping, all because I’m a woman. Sure, this means different things to different people, and just because I say Woman doesn’t mean I don’t respect difference. I have to respect difference because I’m a deaf woman.

A lot of things recently, going on out there and in my mind, have been bringing me back to feminism. There isn’t a lot I can say that I haven’t said before on this blog, but I will try to explain how I think, by posting more often. I feel as though I was right in thinking that time away from here, from other feminist blogs, from reading about feminism, is something I needed to do, to get rid of those negative feelings I had about everything.

Tonight, I watched a film that I’ve been meaning to watch for a while – Iron Jawed Angels with Hilary Swank, Julia Ormond, Frances O’ Connor and Anjelica Huston. It surpassed my expectations, and definitely brought me back to the whole point of it all. It was about the fight for women’s suffrage in America, specifically the fight to get votes for women made into a constitutional amendment (what is known as the 19th Amendment).

I am aware that there are big gaps in my knowledge of the history of the fight women have had so that we can vote, have a life and are considered (on the most part) to be human beings with our own thoughts, feelings and capabilities. I haven’t learnt the terrifying realities of the fight for suffrage from history books, or at school (at least I can’t remember having learnt it at school). Most of my realisations come from a play I went to see last year – Her Naked Skin (directed by Rebecca Lenkiewicz), the book ‘Sex Wars’ by Marge Piercy and then tonight, from watching Iron Jawed Angels.

I hadn’t known before I went to see Her Naked Skin the extent of the horrors that these women went through – they went on hunger strikes in prison and were forced fed – through tubes that went through their oesophagus’ and a funnel at the top. They were treated brutally by prison guards and wardens. They had terrible food, dirty water to drink and not enough ventilation or, on the other hand, not enough warmth. These women are the women we should thank for getting women the vote, and therefore being recognised as human beings - both in the US and in the UK.

And then – the views of the men in these stories strike chords with me because I have heard and read similar views around even today. That women are somehow dictated by their hormones – that men should take women with a ‘pinch of salt’. That women somehow all think the same or act the same. When I was part of women’s committee at York, the women’s officer didn’t want to appear ‘anti-men’ by keeping women’s committee women only. It felt as though she thought my friends and I were some sort of scary radical anti men aliens! It is still with amazement that I think about this – and men still do not turn up for meetings at women’s committee! (or they didn’t when I was still there).

When people effectively dismiss feminism, they are dismissing the women who fought, were imprisoned, force fed and declared insane or hysterical for wanting to be recognised as human beings. This is what amazes me about the whole thing – other women being afraid of using the word feminism or the idea of feminism – because they don’t want to be seen a certain way. It is exactly the same thing that the Pankhursts, Susan B. Anthony, Victoria Woodhull, Alice Paul, Emily Davison and so many others (list here at Wikipedia) - had to go through. They, no doubt, were labelled ‘man-haters’ and much much worse.

This is why I have no time for those people who think that feminism is passé or dead and gone. The work of feminism is never done – not when people make excuses for rapists, women are suffering the world over and women’s basic rights are still threatened (yes, even in the US and UK). Feminism was never gone – it has always been working behind the scenes and the women of the second wave are still around, fighting. 

I think people felt that there was some sort of ‘feminist come back’ because the media likes to have it’s sensationalist stories, and it became more organised over the past two years with Reclaim the Night restarting over the UK and so on. I am glad I found feminism, no matter how much my views have changed over a year and a half; because I intuitively felt there was something wrong with the world that I couldn’t put my finger on. You could call it a sudden awakening from being asleep, and then suddenly noticing that so many things are sexist! (feminism tinted glasses…)

In the next few months I will be reviewing and revamping this blog because there are some posts that I may just get rid of. I also need to update the links on the sidebar as some are now gone, changed or not working. I am still blogging at my newer blog, if you want to have a read – but I will still be using this from time to time for feminist issues.

Things have changed a lot since I last wrote – and my views have become much more nuanced and more thought out. Looking back over some of the posts that I’ve written, it makes me blanch a bit, thinking that maybe I’ve been a bit too harsh and uncompromising. In some of the things I wrote, it doesn’t embarrass me to say that I was influenced by what other people had also been writing about at the time on blogs and things. Doing an MA in women’s studies and also meeting lots of different people has made me more open minded and has helped me to think for myself.

Something I’ve noticed recently is how there are a lot of anti-porn feminists calling themselves ‘radical feminists’ when all they talk about is pornography, sex work and prostitution (not that they are not worthy subjects, but there needs to be a more nuanced critique of them as opposed to just saying ‘they’re wrong, lets ban it all!’). Radical feminism – real radical feminism – is much more than this. Maybe it shouldn’t be called ‘radical feminism’ anymore. It makes me angry to think that these anti-porn feminists are going around saying that sex workers haven’t chosen to work in the sex industry if they have, which makes it harder to see what is happening to women who truly are being forced into prostitution. Yes, you can critique the sex industry, but not to the detriment of the women in it. The language used in some posts that I’ve read is truly disheartening and gives a bad name to those women who truly are radical feminists.

Debs post here has given me a lot to think about and I also hope that it gives whoever reads here a lot to think about. I am tired of this ’sides’ thing and the infighting, so called ‘blog-wars’ where resolutions are conveniently forgotten, or are never made – and the voices that get drowned out or deemed ‘unworthy’. Life is too short to have narrow-minded views or to not allow yourself to go through journies where things change and adapt. Part of life is learning when to be quiet and listen and then take things on board.

I am also ‘coming out’ with my new blog – here it is! I may come back here from time to time, because I know that all the links on the right are a valuable resource, and I can’t put them all on the newer blog.

I am at present blogging elsewhere as I feel, like certain other people, that I want a fresh start and to feel able to express things that I have felt unable to express here. I think that certain things about this blog make it feel impersonal and that the huge volume of posts (backdated from 2005) mean that I feel in some ways that this blog has lost it’s way a bit! I feel bitter about the whole ’sides’ thing that other people are unhappy about too. I find reading other women’s blogs, whether or not they identify as feminist, radical feminist, or just woman (and of course, women are so much more than just “woman” just as men are more than just “men”), has made me feel more open-minded and that there needs to be a solution to all this ‘blogwar’ crap. I feel pretty sad really, because I remember feeling so idealistic and happy about being part of something that seemed so promising and revolutionary. Some of it is really promising, some of it still really exciting, but some of it has turned bitter and uncompromising. I guess I’m just sort of sad at this point, really.

My short 23 years of life have been about a great many things, I love things that many people won’t think is feminist, and we all love things that aren’t feminist. StarWars, anyone? Kill Bill, anyone (yes, it’s shallow, and I have criticised it for being kinda misogynist, but I still like watching it)? Or how about Ugly Betty or Torchwood or Doctor Who? All these have been criticised in various ways for not being feminist even though I think they are pretty good for what they are. I love Sex and the City and went to see the film with subtitles - granted, not as good as the series, but still, it was emotional seeing them on the big screen. I am a bundle of contradictions, just as many other women are a bundle of contradictions. Some of us love rock music, which can be misogynist. Some love watching ‘girly’ flicks like In Her Shoes or Breakfast at Tiffanys (two of my favourites). We live in this world, we are saturated in this culture.

Sometimes I love to dress up and be “feminine” with blusher and a dress and heels. Sometimes I let it all hang out in baggy jeans and a hoody and my glasses (I wear contacts most of the time). I enjoy make-up and shopping and lipstick; this doesn’t mean that ALL women enjoy this. It just means that *I*, Liz, enjoy these things. Men can also enjoy these things if they want to. We should be appreciated as individuals.

I am now not afraid to say, in no small thanks to certain other women who have been courageous enough to, that to me, there doesn’t seem to be a feminist community here for me any longer. I miss it – I miss those voices that have gone, Laura, Michelle, Amy and everyone. I am angry that some of them (not all) have gone because they were pushed away from their own blogs by the radical feminist ‘community’.

I, too, still believe strongly in the radical feminism that I have READ about (not all on blogs, though), about looking down to the roots of things. I don’t believe in the fundamentalist kind of reasoning that seems so narrowminded and unnaccepting and doesn’t seem very diverse. I haven’t found any acknowledgement or understanding of what it means to be a deaf woman in a hearing world. Deaf politics are interesting and have made me think far more about things than sticking to the same old feminist politics and not adapting them, developing them.

Recently, there was an attack on Dreamy5 on a well known feminist blog because she tried to put across that not all men are rapists (which, shock horror, I agree with). It seems that she has now deleted her blog, and I wish that I, too, had been more attentive to this – and hope that she is okay. As women, we need to have each other’s backs, whether we agree with each other or not (or partially agree with each other). That’s what that elusive ‘Sisterhood’ is about. I don’t agree with my sister all the time, but I love her dearly, just as I love my mother dearly, even when we have our disagreements. I don’t like feeling that feminism is about telling women what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. That, surely, is not the point at all.

So yes, I am moving on. I may come back, obviously, and post here when I get my head around a few things. I’m still writing my dissertation, I’m still trying to work hard. If you want to know where I am now blogging, let me know and I’ll email you. I think it’s incredibly important to listen to each other, even if we have to agree to disagree with certain things.

I completely agree with the premise of this site, which I was alerted to by Debs:

 

 

I’ve felt as if this blog has sort of become a weight around my shoulders, because of the sheer volume of posts on this blog – I’ve been blogging since 2005 and I’ve covered so many things and sometimes feel as if I’m repeating myself over and over. Even though my life has changed so much since I was doing my first degree and I think I’ve changed quite a lot. I would never have thought that I would end up doing an MA in Women’s Studies and wanting to do a PhD!

I always thought that I would work for a deaf organisation of some kind. Sometimes I still do but at the same time I feel like I’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg of what life has to offer – I want to travel, to protest, to learn, to meet more feminist women, to meet more deaf people, to read and write and laugh and enjoy myself. I feel as if I want to write a book about being a deaf woman, about being between two worlds, both hearing and deaf. However, I do need money to do those things!

Things are really changing at the moment – term is finished for me and now it is time to be really serious about the dissertation, due in September. My partner has moved in to my attic room in my parents house in London – it’s a huge room with a bathroom attached and we are going to live there for a while whilst he is studying and I am doing some work. It’s quite exciting and we have always wanted to live together (despite both of us possessing our own annoying quirks I suppose – like my tendency to make mess and clutter and his tendency to be neat and tidy and firm about it!).

My sister has finished her course at Chickenshed and is going to University in September, so it feels like things are moving on and changing. In some ways it’s very scary but life is about change and growth and learning, I think. And fun, of course!

I think from now on, this blog may not entirely be about feminism because my life isn’t just about being a feminist, but it is an incredibly important part of my life. I never did set out for this blog to be completely feminist, it just ended up being about it whilst I tried to make sense of all these new ideas and concepts and feelings. I miss just blogging about my cats and about books and films. I know all culture is shaped by patriarchy but I often like to see the good in things. I watch CSI for example, and I can see what many people object to – women’s dead, lifeless naked bodies being exposed and dissected, treated like objects and so on. There are far more women as victims in crime series in general, and it does really bother me. At the same time, I enjoy the analysing, the details of crimes unravelling and being solved. For the same reason I love the X-Files and silly programs like Murder, She Wrote and Diagnosis Murder (I’m a student, what can I say…).

Books for example don’t only have one interpretation, they can be read in any number of ways according to what that person brings to the book. I annoy myself sometimes when I constantly analyse things to death with those feminist lens of mine, but sometimes it is a relief to take them off and read/watch/listen to something without analysing it (its hard but sometimes it works…).

I don’t think we should apologise if we don’t always post regularly. Life gets in the way, but sometimes its really good to just let it all out and post about it. I feel as if it’s a way of putting a little bit of yourself out there and sharing things with other people.

I’ve decided to take a short break from blogging for a while because I’ve got so much work to do. That’s not to say I won’t check in once in a while. There just seems to be so much going on – I’m in the dissertation phase of my MA degree and feel that maintaining a blog can be distracting.

The dissertation is going well, my ideas are developing and I’m going the autobiographical methods route for breaking the silence around deaf women’s experiences. A great book I’ve been reading recently is called ‘Deaf Women’s Lives: Three Self Portraits’ by Bainy Cyrus, Eileen Katz and Celeste Cheyney, and Frances M. Parsons. It’s really worth a look – borrow it from your library! I’ve got a timetable sorted for the next three months, the deadline is in September. I’m sure I will blog a few times before then, but just don’t be surprised if things are quiet…

Also, I am just feeling quite drained about all the stuff going on in the blogosphere recently. I have always been far too idealistic and felt that the ‘why can’t we all get on’ thing still stands, but I know people just can’t put their differences aside. Everybody has said some really vitriolic things to each other over the last 1 and a half years, and if I want to be assured that feminism really can make a difference in the lives of women, I just don’t want to be involved in mud-slinging and stuff.

Regardless of who’s done what and when and how, it just isn’t healthy, for anyone. Because energy really is better spent elsewhere – in living our lives, in fighting to keep the abortion laws, in being loud and vocal about the injustices that women face. Denouncing sexism and misogyny in all their forms (whether you are anti porn or pro porn). I still really feel that pornography and prostitution, in the grand scheme of things, reinforce sexism and misogyny. But they are not the ONLY things that contribute to misogyny.

Rapists are responsible for rape, whether or not they use pornography or cite is as a contributing factor. The mass media, films, TV programs, all sorts of things in our society contribute to the social climate we live in – and porn is part of that climate. It does worry me when I see young girls (like 5, 6, 7 etc) dressing like an 18 year old – but it isn’t just peer pressure, porn and the like – it is also their parents for allowing them to wear fake bras, low cut tops etc.

My feeling is that there really needs to be a focus on the tangible aspects of problems – laying the blame at the door of rapists instead of saying ‘he did it because…’ or saying that women should stop wearing short skirts or low cut tops – because that does sound like victim blaming rather than respecting difference. My sister likes short skirts – does make her any less intelligent or interesting? No, it doesn’t. I wear low cut tops – that doesn’t mean I want men to leer at me in the street or make sexist comments. I just like wearing them (and it also doesn’t mean I am ‘participating’ in my own oppression).

Women should be allowed to wear what they want without fear. I am all for liberation, but I wish that we could all stand side by side and denounce gender restrictions, accept difference and learn from each other. It does take a lot of effort, but is anything worth it if it doesn’t involve some work? It really angers me when I see older feminists saying that younger feminists ‘don’t get it’ or aren’t radical enough. I’m also angry when younger feminists don’t recognise the work that older feminists have done, who think that there is a “new” feminism – it has been around for many years, long before they were born (long before I was born).

Doing an MA, I am working with both women my own age and older women, and there is respect. We learn from each other. So why can’t there be that respect here, on the internet? As a deaf woman and a feminist, I often feel isolated from hearing feminists because of access issues and lack of awareness. But I am willing to voice these concerns. I understand that people often don’t think about these things until there has been some dialogue about it. You don’t learn about difference from not coming into contact with difference.

So, I’m really sorry if I’ve put my foot in it, and I really care about everyone, I just needed to say what I was feeling. It’s very hard to be objective, because I read so many blogs and respect so many different people – many of them whose ideas are at odds with each other.

So I will probably commence blogging properly and at any length in the later months of the year – in the meantime, have a good summer to anyone who reads my blog!

Edit: I also feel that things really aren’t as clear cut as they seem on the internet. Okay, I categorise myself as a radical feminist and really feel pissed off when people make generalisations about what a radical feminist is, but feel that it should be developed further, as opposed to staying in the 1970s (as Michelle’s latest post says). I read some posts by certain people making generalisations about radical feminism or radical feminists (or, even, feminists in general) and it makes me think ‘no, that’s not right, it’s not like that at all’. Its all too easy to say crap about people when you don’t know them and haven’t met them. And this pretty much goes for everyone.

I can see the point that Ren Ev is trying to make about better sex education, safe sex, etc etc (most feminists would agree with this anyway), and I really really understand what she means when I feel restricted by some individuals saying certain things about the way women are “supposed” to act or dress or what they are supposed to like. But you know what? I don’t blame radical feminism for this feeling at all. I blame certain personal incarnations of it. And the way that Laura was treated really made me feel disillusioned about certain things, and made me realise that individuals calling themselves feminist are not necessarily so (and I don’t mean Laura). You know what I think?

I think that people spend so much time whinging about ‘radical feminism being the big bad’ that they don’t look at things from an individual to individual basis. Are they really surprised when it gets people’s back up when they say that radical feminists don’t like sex, or don’t enjoy sex with their MALE partners, or can’t accept that people have kinks they like in the bedroom, etc? Everyone is different. What bothers me is if a man forces, coerces or pushes a woman to do something she doesn’t want to do. Or if a man makes a woman feel guilty for wanting sex, for having a sexual appetite. Calls a woman a ’slut’ because she’s slept with however many men or wears something revealing.

And hell, if a woman doesn’t want sex at all, that should be accepted too – not thought of as being a ‘prude’ or “frigid” or whatever. One of the reasons I’m talking about sexuality NOW is because I’ve seen it written recently that radical feminists don’t talk about sex. Blogging is only one aspect of someone’s life – how do they know that person doesn’t talk about sexuality elsewhere – in an academic or social setting, or with their partner? And not to “denounce” sex either!

You know what really pisses me off? When people think that everyone in a particular group is the *same*. “Radical Feminists are…” or “Radical Feminists don’t agree with…”. I think it’s really immature and sounds like playground fighting. Its the easy way out. And it’s not the best constructive criticism to say that radical feminists “oppress” you. Its dawning on me that everyone says the same thing, in the same way, without any complex discussion. You may complain that you feel you’re being ‘preached’ to, but where are you getting this from? Not from ALL feminists, I am sure. Not even ALL radical feminists. Put all the radical feminists in the world in a room, and I am sure they will disagree about certain things!

I’ve been thinking about what the word ‘inclusion’ means recently, mostly because I’ve always taken it for granted (much to my embarassment) that it means inclusion=equality. But I’ve been reading a book by Gina A. Oliva ‘Alone in the Mainstream: A deaf woman remembers public school’ which has really made me question what I thought of as ‘inclusion’.

She asserts that having a deaf child at a mainstream school (with support) should not be seen as ‘inclusion’ with the positive connotations this word has, but instead as ‘mainstreaming’ which is a word that seems more appropriate. Being deaf in the mainstream can be positive in some ways, but being cut off from other deaf people, not knowing that there are other people going through exactly the same thing, or being expected to be ‘oral’ despite BSL (British Sign Language) being your first language, is just something that I feel is unacceptable.

I feel that my experience is very possibly like that: although my school had a Hearing Impaired Unit where I got support from (note-taking), I did not get the support that I needed and constantly had to work twice as hard because I had to read up on things all the time. I didn’t feel “included”; I felt different, unusual, despite there being other deaf people at the same school (three in my year).

My sister and I both had similar experiences at this school: we are both very different but had similar needs – we needed to have a notetaker at all times yet we only got around 60% of the 100% support we should have had. Some classes, I had no support at all: imagine not knowing what the teacher was saying and the panic that ensued when the class started doing something and I had no idea what! I really feel that the only way that schools can provide deaf people with a good education is if they start tailoring support for individuals, if they start listening to what the deaf person is saying they need. A teacher of the deaf at the same school suggested that my sister start taking notes and being ‘more independent’. How could she have taken notes and lipread at the same time? It is virtually impossible.

She left school to do a BTEC at Chickenshed because she was so unhappy about the support she was(‘nt) getting, among other reasons. I feel that my own education would have been so much more easier if I had had full time support. Or even if I was at a deaf school, like Mary Hare, which seems so much more inclusive and forward thinking (much like Gallaudet University in the US which advocates total communication). My sister was thinking of going there, and she went to visit, her descriptions sounded wonderful (in the assembly hall they had TVs where you could lipread the speaker, note-takers and also signers)!

I’m not really sure what the answer is. But I feel that in order for deaf people, like myself, to be able to be “included” there needs to be equal access, there needs to be the right kind of support or technology for each individual (I have long thought how wonderful it would be to have a kind of hand-held speech to text thing that means I could access anything…) and there needs to be deaf awareness.

No more ‘are you deaf or what?’ or ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘I’ll tell you later’. No more ‘deaf jokes’ or ignorance. BSL needs to be recognised as a complex language (it is a recognised language but is not seen as complex) and not as ’simple shapes’. The word ‘inclusion’ should mean exactly that – including people and really respecting difference, giving people the support they say they need or want. It shouldn’t mean imposing the dominant ideology of oralism on someone that really prefers BSL.

Being deaf shouldn’t mean having a ‘loss’. It should mean gaining a culture, gaining a shared experience, being visual (or appreciating the visual), gaining friends and gaining new experiences. It doesn’t mean you can’t do things that other people can’t. You can go to the theatre (with captioning), you can go to the cinema (with subtitles), you can even learn to drive (my sister passed her driving test on Monday!). It’s a whole new set of experiences and that needs to be recognised.

There needs to be the right provision and the technology *is* there – so why aren’t we seeing it? I am frequently let down by cinemas and malfunctioning subtitle equipment, lack of knowledge of how to interact with deaf people from people that should know better (over enunciating, shouting, signing if you can’t sign and so on), deaf jokes on television or just general amusement about deafness (stereotyping) and so on. It really does need to change, because deaf people are being let down by stupid mistakes and ignorance.

I’ve noticed a lot of posts recently about transgender and it has made me wonder about why transgender is seen as something that is divisive within feminism. I’ve always come to things in an inclusive way, attempting to celebrate diversity and not excluding people. Perhaps being a deaf woman has made me understand how hard it is to feel included in things, to have a voice in a world that is for hearing people. Even in the most inclusive environment, I will still feel excluded because the environment is somehow not quite up to task (for example, being with lovely friends that try to make sure I know what is being said, but yet it’s too noisy or I get tired with lipreading, etc).

I feel that even though the feminist movement is supposed to be for everybody, sometimes it can unwittingly be exclusive, whether intentionally or not. This has been a hard post to write and I wasn’t sure about posting it or not, but this is how I feel about things, however confused some of these thoughts might be.

Something I find very difficult is trying to be not just woman, but a person. Yes, I am female, but I want an end to gender stratification. I want an end to assumptions people make about you because you are, or appear, female. I define as a woman, yet I am much more than JUST woman. And what does woman mean, outside gender, outside all these constructions around the term? Does it mean the ability to menstruate, to give birth, or does it mean someone with the ‘body’ of a woman? Because many women do not menstruate (indeed, women do not menstruate throughout their whole lives with the menopause), have the ability to give birth or have traditionally ‘female’ bodies. We define being male or female in language that was imposed upon us by a society where terms are determined in gendered language. Like Simone de Beauvoir said, we are not born, but become women (and men).

Transgender and Transsexuality shows up gender for what it is – a construct. I find this quite interesting and cannot see where feminism has an issue with gender bending. We all have aspects of us that society classifies as “masculine” or “feminine” – both men and women. I can see why some aspects may seem problematic, such as feeling that you are somehow the wrong ‘gender’ which is different to feeling you are the wrong ’sex’.

For me, gender is and has always been a construct and I do not feel that it is innate at all – it is learned and has changed over time (or remained the same..). We live in a society that forces labels on people, that labels us from birth. It then forces us to take on traits of those particular labels, according to what is accepted at the time.

In my other post, I said that the tactics that transgender individuals used in the RTN north march made the march into something that it wasn’t. It was a march to end violence against women, and to certain people became a ‘women born women’ only march, even though RTN organisers said that all were welcome (hey, even men were allowed to march in the mixed march!). It seems to me that somehow, somewhere, people may have their wires crossed. RTN London, for example, allows women and transgendered individuals who identify as women on the march. Because it is a march to end violence against WOMEN.

There is no silencing of transgendered people on these marches, there is no particular exclusion of transgendered male to female individuals. The people that use particular tactics to hijack marches and make it about something else completely – those people should not be doing this. Marches to end violence against women are not the place to champion for transgender rights, even though their voices are important.

For me, it is not about whether I ‘ally’ with feminists OR transgendered people. It is more a case of letting individuals define themselves according to what they feel and understand. If somebody feels they are trapped in the wrong kind of body, that is the way that they feel. If someone defines themselves as a female and as a woman, then let them define themselves that way (NOT as cisgendered).

Transphobia means somehow disliking transgendered people or somehow thinking them ‘wrong’ or ‘deluded’, it is physically or verbally abusing them. It is discrimination and exclusion of transgendered people. However, I can understand both sides of the argument, and feel there needs to be some communication about these problems. Most feminists do not have ‘transphobia’, as far as I can tell. They are just angry at the hijacking of women only space for purposes other than women centred activism. To deny that women are discriminated against is to deny that there needs to be feminism. To say that ‘woman’ doesn’t exist is to take away the reason that many trans people change their sex or gender in the first place (because they don’t feel male/man or they don’t feel female/woman).

I can also see a real need for women-only space BUT also think that trangendered male to female identified people should be made to feel welcome in these spaces if they identify as woman. I know there is much discussion of being born with male privilege, but feel that trans mtf people may have felt female their whole lives (from a young age), may have experienced discrimination because of it, and may have experienced a period of time where they are treated as women, with all the discrimination and sexism that comes with this. I know that some people do not agree, or will agree, or some that don’t really know what they think about this. But this is just my humble opinion. I think that transgendered/transsexual people should have the right to articulate their experiences just as women born women/female people do.

Being a deaf woman means that I am excluded from much of what happens within the feminist movement. At marches, it is really hard to keep up with chanting because the chants change so often – I have to constantly lipread people around me (not easy when trying to avoid bumping into people or tripping up). Rallies are difficult without notetakers or lipspeakers – I do know some sign language but not enough to be able to follow a signer all the time. Leafleting is hard because when people ask questions, I cannot always lipread them. And yet I am still a feminist because I am angry about how I am treated as a woman and as a deaf person by society.

I consider myself a radical feminist in that I think there needs to be examination of the roots of patriarchy. That spiral that goes down and down where you suddenly find the root of all this and go ‘aha – there you are!’ and see how society is completely gendered. You pull things up and examine the roots, the meanings and the whys and wherefores, the subtle intonations. You start to notice things are somehow wrong that you didn’t think were particularly wrong before. I think that ‘radical’ has somehow been conceptualised as separatist, which is different (although not mutually exclusive – sometimes rad fems become separatists). Even if I have felt before that other people do not consider me radical ‘enough’ to define as such.

I see no problem aligning myself with radical feminist thought. It doesn’t mean that I won’t and can’t criticise some of it though – its all relevant but if we didn’t criticise there would be no point and we would all agree with each other about everything…which would be a bit boring! I feel that diversity is a good thing, particularly as I have been brought up to believe that diversity, inclusion and difference is a good and positive thing.

I hope that this at least makes some sense despite my confusion. I haven’t personally experienced the situations that some people have been experiencing, but I am trying to make some sense of it. If I’ve got anything wrong, then please don’t be afraid to comment.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, mostly because there’s been such a lot going on! There’s been a lot of thinking about my dissertation, the research proposal and how I’m going to do the research and so on. There’s a lot to do there, and I’m not really sure about some of it myself as I’m still thinking about it and trying to refine it a bit. It’s the spring holiday now so there’s five weeks of..nothing…yeah right. I’ve got four things to do over the holiday but hopefully they won’t be as difficult as last year. I’ve got an essay about cosmetic surgery and one about women’s magazines. Also the research proposal and a blog journal about my development as a researcher over the term.

I didn’t make it to Million Women Rise as I got ill with lack of sleep and flu (or whatever it was). But all the pictures and videos look like so much fun. I will be trying to get there next year. Reclaim the Night North also looked like fun! It’s just so good to know that there are so many feminists out there getting into activism and joining together to demand an end to violence against women.

I’m just very cross that the UK media seem so intent on ignoring these fabulous events because the pictures look amazing, and the message is so powerful. It actually seems very ridiculous because MWR was a HUGE march with 4000+ women and a rally in Trafalgar square – very central! It is starting to make me wonder if the media is ignoring us for a reason, because they still want to make themselves and everyone else believe that feminism is dead when it certainly isn’t.

So many women of many different ages all marching together just proves that it still matters, it is relevant, and has always been relevant. Women only space is important, women can work together, and sisterhood still is powerful (even with the slight disruption that happened). We all matter, perhaps even if we don’t all agree with each other.

I feel that what happened at MWR was awful because it proves that some people (whether they are calling themselves feminists or are women) will use violent tactics to get their voices heard or to drown out others. No doubt some men will hear about this and think “there – women don’t get on, they can’t get on!” but I would beg to differ, seeing all those women marching together, and my experiences with feminists and women working together on things. I just really do not think that violence against women (by women) on peaceful marches will help sex workers rights. We all want to make the world a better place for women, but I don’t think that hijacking events for women – of all things! – will help at all.

The same would go for RTN North with trans-activists somehow thinking that RTN is a space to get THEIR voices heard as transpeople. There is a time and a place for trans-marches, and I am definitely not against trans people but I really think that the tactics used – hijacking marches to end violence against women - is an actual act of violence against women because it doesn’t allow WOMEN’S voices to be heard on a march for them. But I am hoping that this group is a minority, and isn’t speaking for all (and I hope that other trans-people condemn their actions).  

I’ve been having marathon Buffy DVD marathons recently and really feel that Buffy is a fantastic feminist icon (I know..some may beg to differ!)! Even more than than that, I think I may be becoming addicted to fantasy and science fiction films and books – particularly the kind that portray strong women. Last year I discovered the ‘Women of the Otherworld’ series by Kelley Armstrong (link in my sci fi and fantasy links on the left), and also Trudi Canavan who has written the Black Magician Trilogy and Age of the Five trilogy. I also love Anne Rice but her books are not so much about strong women, just vampire fests!

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a fascination with the supernatural, watching the X-Files and Buffy, reading books like the Nightworld series and so on. It seems I keep going deeper in my search for books that portray women strongly, and probably will continue to do so until there are no more books for me to read! I think my sister is catching the bug because she’s been reading this trilogy that I have been reading by Stephenie Meyer (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse). I have yet to read the last book though – but it’s all quite addictive. Perhaps it’s the suggestion of another world parallel to ours, or the suggestion of something ‘other’ out there that makes it all so fascinating.

Happy Easter/New Spring! Easter for me isn’t particularly “religious” even though it is a religious thing. It signifies re-growth, re-birth and a new spring for me, more than anything else, with the popping up of daffodils everywhere and the feeling of freshness in the air. However, it snowed today in York…odd.